FanFiction: Bad dreams

[Flinkbaum]

Also ich hoffe ihr könnt ein wenig Englisch, ich habe es versucht eine englische Fantasygeschichte zu schreiben.

Das ist jetzt erstmal der Anfang.

Bitte sagt mir bescheid wie ihr sie fandet.

Danke

Bad dreams

- The beginning-

A light came through the clouds and glittered on the blue sea.

Everything was beautiful, but suddenly deep shadows glowed across the sky. The glaring sun went away, the air changed such a way that it became hard to breathe and he saw his evil opposite of him. It looked like a bad horror movie, but Robert knew that it was all happening or would happen.

Suddenly Robert got up and noticed that it was only a nightmare, however this dream was not the first one he had had. Furthermore Robert was not the type man who believed in unreal things, but he began to change his opinion.

It had started at Christmas, everyone was very happy, but Robert was always an unhappy man although he lived in a flat together with a good friend who is called Florian a good life. They got to know each other many years ago in school. Together they made an apprenticeship as an analyst but then their careers changed. Meanwhile he went into the music business and Robert in the movie business.

That night when Robert in order to go home, he heard a very loud sound in front of him.

He wasn’t really curious but something pulled him to the old garden of his strange neighbour. I prefer to call the garden for example “acre”.

Robert went through to the end the garden and there he saw a little box that was glowing as if on fire. A nice feeling came over Robert who wasn’t sure what this box was doing with him.

Suddenly the garden gate closed and Robert saw a thin man at a distance of ten metres. The man stood there with his red gloomy eyes and looked at Robert.

In spite of the fact that the thin man was very white and tall too he didn’t look dangerous; he looked in addition afraid of the burning box and apparently of the shy Robert.

Robert was always shocked because he didn’t understand that someone was afraid of him.

The stranger finally disappeared when Robert wanted to come nearer. Robert was still nervous. He returned to the pretty box but….it had disappeared, too. Robert didn’t understand anything and fainted.

Mrs. Seghers lived alone without much money, in a little house in London. No one believed her much, because she was always seeing ghosts and immoral things. Mrs. Seghers was 80 years old, but she did everything alone in “her house”. She called it “her house”, but it wasn’t only hers. One part was owned by the bank, because she needed money to pay for the graveyard in her little garden. Her husband had died one year ago and his last wish had been to be buried in his own garden.

On this early Sunday morning she wanted to plant a few flowers on his grave. She and her husband always had liked roses because they meant love and friendship.

She went out; appalled because a man was lying on the grave of her husband…It was Roger! Mrs. Seghers took a spade and woke him up with her feet.

Roger told her the unbelievable story and was surprised that she believed him.

That night Roger felt very bad, not only because his face had changed in a bad way. It was like the face of the opposite who he had seen in his nightmare. Mrs. Seghers wasn’t afraid of Robert because she normally saw ghosts. She told Robert that she knew that it had all happened because she saw it in her dreams, too. Robert was surprised that she sought out other people who had these nightmares about themselves. She explained to him that all the peoples saw this pretty box and the next person who they saw became afraid.

Robert asked her why all these people had the same nightmares and she answered that God wanted to help these people to get better. Robert disagreed because he was a normal man who hadn’t done anything bad. She answered that, that wasn’t important, because everyone in this world had something strange and a few people could suddenly become evil, very evil.

Mrs. Seghers explained that there were three phases.

1. At first you dreamed about yourself.

2. Then some people shunned you.

3. After that you weren’t anymore yourself. You would be on the evil site.

“You are still in the second stage but you have to find something higher than the little wooden box. Maybe you have heard about the Holy Grail?! That wasn’t all, no you have to worry about monsters, because they want to find you and….”

©

Bearbeitet 19. Juni 2006 von osario

[Alatariel]

Hallo Osario!

Erst einmal . Ich hätte mich nie getraut eine Kurzgeschichte auf Englisch zu schreiben! Finds auf Deutsch schon schwer genug...

Natürlich klingt das Englisch an einigen Stellen noch etwas "Deutsch" und an den Präpositionen müsstest du wohl auch noch mal arbeiten (eg. es heißt: "the air changed in such a way that it became..." und "Robert was not the type of man who...") aber das sind nur Nebensächlichkeiten.

Ansonsten ist die Geschichte wirklich gut geschrieben.

Ich bin mal gespannt auf Teil 2. Bis jetzt klingt es ja mehr nach einer Horror-Mystery-Mischung als nach Fantasy und ich steige auch noch nicht so ganz durch, aber mal sehen, wie es weitergeht.

LG

Alan

PS: Oder wird das noch so eine aktuelle Thriller-Gralsgeschichte? :ugly:

Bearbeitet 20. Mai 2006 von Alatariel

[Flinkbaum]

Hallo Osario!

PS: Oder wird das noch so eine aktuelle Thriller-Gralsgeschichte?

Vielen Dank für deine Anmerkung,

wenn du Verständnis Fragen hast.

Sende mir bitte eine Mail.

[Gast ThorBrownlock]

Also ich hab mir deine Geschichte mal ins Deutsche übersetzt.

Ich hatte etwas Probleme der Geschichte zu folgen, sorry.

Wie schon erwähnt, klingt das Englisch an mancher Stelle noch zu deutsch.

Mein erster Eindruck ist auch , daß es eher ist Richtung Mystery oder

Horrorgeschichte geht.

[Flinkbaum]

Ich danke auch dir für dein Komentar und werde jeweilige zu deutsche setzte bald ändern.

Bedenkt es ist der Anfang, der meistens sehr langweilig ist, da erst die Charaktere dargestellt werden müssen.

Ich hoffe ich komme bald dazu diese Geschichte weiter zu schreiben.

Euer Daniel :-)

[Wilwarin]

Hallo!

Auch ich habe mal versucht so eine Geschichte zu schreiben, allerdings auf Deutsch und da hatte ich schon Probleme...

Erst recht mit dem Anfang!

Aber ich finde, das hast du schon voll gut hinbekommen.

Klar müsste man an einigen Ausdrücken noch was ändern damit es genau, wie schon ThorBrownlock gesagt hat nicht mehr so eins zu eins übersetzt klingt...

Aber sonst:

Wilwarin